Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
