We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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