I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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