I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Everclear isn't food dammit
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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