You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
