hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
