you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
