I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
