hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
