Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
