Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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