Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
