That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
