i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
