so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
