Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
