I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
