I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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