Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
