I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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