i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
