I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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