I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You left your underwear on the fireplace
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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