Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
