Got a toothbrush?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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