No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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