Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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