just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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