His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
