found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
