Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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