the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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