Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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