he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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