Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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