Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
