I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
