Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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