hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
