Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
