My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
