I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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