So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
