i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
