Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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