Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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