Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Randomize