Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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