You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
