I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
