Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
