she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
