did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
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Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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