he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
