??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
