Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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