My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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