Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
