I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
