Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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