oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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