So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
