The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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