I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
