you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
