just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
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I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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