I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
