I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
