I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
