Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
