it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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