its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
