i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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