i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
