He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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