can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
