Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
