I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
